Rumblings

I have this awful suspicion that too many have stopped actually searching for the beauty of the gospel and have decided what is right. who exactly Jesus was and what does and does not glorify him...

we are surrounded by pharisees.

I will not be one.

all that matters in my life is that I cling my King, my Lord, my Liege, my love. He is my only light, but my mom and dad don't seem to believe that.

Why? Because I won't go to church with them. I can't go to that church, I can only see God it the cracks there that let the light in. But I will not fight, I will not coerce, I will not try to convince them that they are wrong, because if they truly love him they are right.

But for me? I have nothing in common with them. I am called to the darker streets where faith is harder, tested by steely minds that seek to destroy and belittle, in their self righteousness.

I was told by a friend from Jewell, that I was the best Christian they had ever met. Why? Exactly because my witness isn't to argue, to use the jargon, to spit out some effing stupid 5 point diagram to salvation. Its to show them what unconditional love does when you do right, not because the law says to, but because it is right.

My language is course. I don't go to church. But I love the only hope in the world more than anything else in the universe. And it shows. It shines-even if dimly- in the darkness I see that needs the light the most. And it is the darkest streets that need the light, a light that does not hurt or drive away, but beacons.

We have enough missionaries to Africa and pastors and sunday school teachers. Send me to Hollywood, into rock clubs, and onto the stages of the world where people go to seek beauty and escape. It is here that the lost hearts open.

The works, worlds, stories, music that I'll create aren't going to be sunday school material. Let's be honest, most of the old testement isn't sunday school material, and if it was, then it loses truth. Jesus Christ Superstar speaks to me in ways that Passion of the Christ never will, why? Its not a wonderful depiction of Christ, but it is glorious in its depiction in the struggle of faith, of destiny, love, devotion, and in the end hope.

JUDAS
"Listen Jesus, do you care for your race?
Don't you see we must keep in our place?
We are occupied
Have you forgotten how put down we are?
I am frightened by the crowd
For we are getting much too loud
And they'll crush us if we go too far
If we go too far"

or
Mary Magdalene
"I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I've seen myself
I seem like someone else"

I don't know. Doubt is human, seeking searching.

I just don't think that my parents are going to like some of my work. But if they like it, it probably means that its too tame. And I'm not a tame person, and neither is my message.

Call me a rebel. I don't fit in with the Conservative Church and I don't fit in with the World.

This can be a very very lonely place. I'd be worried if it were crowded.

Truth seems hard to see, and when you think you've got it in hand...it probably means you should start searching again.

long enough? (and sorry for the shoddy grammar.)

I need to get out of this place.