My Bad

A month and more since my last blog post. Only slightly distracted by trying to pull off something monumental and at the same time preserve my sanity.

Mission success.

I just got back from a short trip to KC to finish up a ton of artwork. Everything went better than expected and I have some beautiful stuff to show for all the months of pain it took to make them.

One thing down 1000 to go including moving back to MO in a month after 2 yrs in LA, studying for and acing the GRE, Altavia Yule, SteamCon, polishing up my art, and defending it's merit.

I love crunch time! Especially when its over!

Absolute Brilliance!

Something to strive for. :)

Silent Monks Singing Halleluia

Poor Poor Blog

Oh, my poor poor blog. Why have I forsaken you? It's been so long since I've given you the attention you need and deserve.

Why????

WHY?!

And...

that's all I've got. :/

German Star Trek Commercial

Lols

Eigenharp-- I want I want I WANT!!!

Ohhh, how I want to play with one of these. I'll just have to start saving or have a magical windfall of money!

I just realized how long it's been since I wrote. My bad. :(

Real Power

Saint John Chrysostom wrote this about the power of prayer:

"Prayer is an all-efficient panoply, a treasure undiminished, a mine which is never exhausted, a sky unobscured by the clouds, a heaven unruffled by the storm. It is the root, the fountain, the mother of a thousand blessings. . . . The potency of prayer hath subdued the strength of fire, it hath bridled the rage of lions, hushed anarchy to rest; extinguished wars, appeased the elements, expelled demons, burst the chains of death, expanded the gates of heaven, assuaged diseases, repelled frauds, rescued cities from destruction, stayed the sun in its course, and arrested the progress of the thunderbolt."

via RZIM's Slice of Infinity

Bill and Ted's Excellent Inception

I miss Bill and Ted style comedies, they're so re-watchable. Now all we have are the Hangover type. Why so serious?

OK! OK! I'll talk about Comic Con

I really must say that I liked the convention center design a lot. This shot I took coming down the elevators is so sci-fi!

Honestly I think I'll break up my "coverage" a bit since it would be an unnecessarily long post. I don't have as many pictures as I thought I did. I'm pretty sure it's because my camera sucks. It has this problem reading the memory card. Talk about a MAJOR flaw.

Comic Con grew on me. Let's just say that early on the first day I could hardly wait to go home, and by the end of Saturday I was almost wishing that I had booked another night. Next year I'm sure.

I didn't know what to expect from Comic Con. Last year I went to AnimeExpo in LA and felt really really out of place, but I'm guessing it was mostly because I don't know Anime. I'm at least conversant in Superheroes. There weren't as many costumes as I was expecting. I was told that in previous years there were more, but that's cool. I don't need to see too many out of shape people in spandex anyway.

This guy was freaking cool though!



The "Floor", where all the booths are, was HUUUGE! And crowded. Waaay too crowded for the likes of me. The side of the hall that had all the major media players was of course more crowded than the other end of the hall because that's where all the cool stuff was. I did manage to accidentally catch a glimpse of the True Blood cast as I was walking by the WB booth. I like the show a lot, but I'm not about to stand in line for a couple of hours or more to get them to sign a shirt. Ugh. In fact I refused to stand in any line, which meant that I didn't get much swag, but I'd throw most of it away anyway.

I spent more of my time upstairs in the conference rooms listening to random panels. I got to listen to Charlaine Harris (Author of the Sookie Stackhouse Series, aka True Blood). She was pretty awesome if I do say so myself. And I attended a watercolor Master Session with Jill Thompson (my pictures of which are gone. &*$%# camera).

What I found most interesting was just observing the crowd and the different types of people. I really liked going to panels where I knew none of the "famous" people and just trying to see what the difference in attitude and purpose between them and their fans.

Fandom confuses me. How do fans see the object of their obsession and how does the receiving end see their work? What is it that allows one person to become successful in their chosen medium and another a wanna be? As someone in the middle with the potential to either fall back into wanna-be land or over to the blessed few succeed and shape culture it fascinates me. I just want to be able to understand both sides. I guess it's the writer in me.

Enough for now. Tomorrow I'll talk about how awesome it is to know Goofy. :P

Dark Matter & Dark Energy

Ok. But the bear argument can just as easily be used for a proof of God. And the whole invisible multiple universes having gravity that permeate the membrane of our universe thing, though cool, sounds pretty ridiculous given the fact (and it is fact that this point) that we have no "evidence" of them. Wait what? You mean that athiests are espousing theories as proof that there is no God for which there is no evidence?

There's a lesson here. Can you figure it out?

This isn't to say that I think the theories are wrong, but it does seem to me to be just a tad hypocritical. And even should they prove multiple universes, it in no way disproves a maker because everything must have a source. Isn't that one of those fundamental laws of physics? And what about that whole, "the simplest explanation" thing?

Just saying.

Tomorrow I'll talk Comic Con, but first a message from our sponsors.

t-shirt

I was going to try and be all clever like I always am, but I'm quite bored of being vague and slightly cryptic all the time.

I painted a Compass Rose on a t-shirt I've had lying around for 2 years.

Why?

I'm going to Comic Con and I like playing games with time...sort of.

I was going to write Where is Mercator? on it but I decided not to. Mostly because I ran out of time.

To a few this will make sense, to the future it will make more sense. It's kind of like seeding the future with cool intentional Easter eggs.

Ugh too tiered to think. Have to get up early.

See you on the flip side.

"earthwork" movie trailer

read about this in the kc star. local film maker i think. looks great. the actor is fantastic, i just saw him in "winter's bone".

wait...

Its been how long since my last post?

No wonder I've only had 7 visits in the last month. lol. I guess I should laugh, it surely isn't worth crying over. Now, if that number is the same in say 3 months, THEN I'll start freaking out, cuz I'm screwed.

I'm going to have to get this ball rolling...

Atheists Don't Have No Songs-Steve Martin

Poetry as a Leap Outside the Self

Test Your Awareness : Whodunnit?

Superman+ Organ= AWESOME!

If you know me, you know what place this piece of music holds in my heart and my history.

Superman forever.

rut

I'm stuck in a rut that I just can't seem to get out of and honestly I'm sure if I'm supposed to yet.

In the last, oh, two months or so I've gone into total reclusive loner mode. Usually I try and avoid this because my social skills usually deteriorate or I just get stuck in a loop and I see it as lazy. At least when I went into these modes and I was in school I had class to force me out, but now all I have is Church and the SCA and the SCA isn't that convincing of an argument. Unless I have a reason to get out I just don't. In past instances I had nothing to do but goof around when I was in isolation mode, but this time I've got plenty to do and I've been busy both creatively and intellectually. Unfortunately, I've not been busy enough on the creative side and I'm feeling a bit under the gun, no one's placed me there but myself but the pressure is there none the less. For some strange reason I find being creative for a concrete purpose very stressful. I'm guessing this is mostly because in school when I was creative it was for fun only. There was no benefit other than the pleasure of what I was doing and that mentality still sticks in my mind and will take time to dislodge. I really don't consider myself to be very good at drawing and the time it takes for me to do it well and the effort involved is grating...unless I get on a roll and then days go by and I don't even notice it. It's just strange to me and I don't understand it and I have a drive to understand everything I possibly can. I remember now why I tried to rid myself of my perfectionist nature. It's just too stressful and I really don't like stress.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere in particular. I'm just not going to Fighter Practice...again. I just can't do it right now though I want to. My absence in the SCA has been bothering me for a long time. I just can't quite figure out what's holding me back from committing as deeply as I had intended and wanted. I'm thinking that it's just this transitional phase that I'm going through. I just can't justify the time and effort the endeavor takes at the moment, no matter how much I love it. Perhaps it is avoidance or something. But the aspect that bothers me the most is my lack of commitment and steadfastness, two things that used to be so easy just aren't anymore. That and my seeming lack of discipline in certain areas of my life.

It just seems that I'm being rebuilt slowly from the inside out, which I've asked for continually. I just hoped it wouldn't be so painfully slow. But everything in time, there's much ground to cover between where I am and where I'm headed.

It's daunting to be looking at the mountain from the outskirts of the foothills. But exciting too.

The New Western Creed

Creed

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin.
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy's OK
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing
because when you ask the dead what happens
they say Nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between
warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds.

-Steve Turner

Postscript also written by Turner, as heard on a Ravi Zacharias mp3.If chance be the father of all flesh,disaster is his rainbow in the sky.And when you hear "State of emergency,sniper kills ten, troops on a rampage, youths go looting, bomb blasts school,"it is but the sound of man worshiping his maker."

Video Video Video

Too many videos. But. But. But. They're soo goooood!

So what shall I post? Um. Well I go home in 9 days, and its been 6 months, which is way way way too long to be stuck in LA let me tell you!

I'm supposed to be working on illustrations for Mercator, but I'm finding it exceptionally hard to convince myself that my drawing won't suck majorly. Maybe I'll draw today or maybe I'll just finish the stool I've been working on. Once it's done I'll post some photos of the couple of projects I've been working on.

BP Spills Coffee

Eleanor Powell and Fred Astaire

Best of the best of the best.

Rise

Rise and rise again until lambs become lions.

Lamb no longer. Hear me roar.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Big Changes

I haven't posted anything for a while. I suppose it's because I've been undergoing a major life change which includes a nearly complete revision of how I view myself and the world. It's been a long time coming, but I'm historically not good at change. I throw myself into new situations, but it's only because it's been led by God or it's necessary for a goal. I choose a way of life/thinking/goals and I stick to them until it becomes impossible for me to continue. It's hard to describe. I've been locked into a fairly secular/scientific/logic world view since middle school. It's the same mentality that led me to the Academy, and the Academy was the first and fatal blow to that side of me which I so carefully and determinedly crafted. It never fit. Ever. But I made it work much to my own degradation.

I've had to give it a whole lot of thought lately. It became increasingly clear in the past year that the strategy that I was using to achieve the goal I felt God set before me just didn't fit me. But I'm stubborn and persistent. I hate to be defeated by something I know that I'm both strong enough and talented enough to conquer. But it wasn't to be. It's not my path. I've tried to go about this art's thing responsibly, the only way I know how. Form a plan and put it into action. I'm a methodical person. There's no doubt about it. And my God given calling (as it's been increasingly and slowly more and more clear since the Academy) is in fact the arts. Now by the end of high school I'd given up the notion that a life in the arts was a viable or responsible thing for someone who is smart enough to excel in the respectable sciences, though I have never had much of a love for science. I have a great love of learning, but I'm not suited for a life in the higher ranks of science where it seems to be so clinically stale. But in Geology I found the perfect compromise, but it still didn't fit.

In all honesty neither the scientific nor the artistic world fits me very well. I'm just I suppose an exceedingly strange creature that fuses logic and the arts together. And I am most happy when both sides are working in conjunction, like they were while I studied Theatre. The program at WJ was perfect for me in it melding of all the aspects of technical and performance theatre.

I only wish I hadn't tried for so long and so hard to cut my creative/artistic side out. It stems from not being much encouraged in school in these aspects while those whom I thought clearly possessed less talent and potential were lauded. But this is most likely an exaggeration of the truth, but this is how I felt. At least intellectually I could dominate and so that's what I pursued.

But I guess I still haven't revealed my new direction. To many it probably won't seem like such a change, but to me it's sort of like being transformed from an aardvark to a lion. And the only reason I'm even willing to totally embrace this transformation is because I'm submitting myself to God. You either get this or you don't. It's soo much different than just the predominately intellectual faith that I've lived with for so long. Its a difficult but wondrous thing to forsake the world for God. And God gave me Mercator, who has been my constant companion since coming to LA, and would not exist without my time here. But film? I really hate the industry. Really. Being on set was neat for awhile but I am absolutely not suited for that ridiculous lifestyle. And I have neither the time nor the patience to pursue it any longer. I know I'm not special, but if film direction is in my future, this is not the avenue that I am to take.

So, for the moment Mercator is my only mission. I've got to get him ready for the world by November. I'm terrified. Really. I'm not ready to go public, but I'm not to hide any longer and I know that I'll be ready at exactly the right time and not before. Its an incredibly exciting time for me right now, and extremely hard. I have very little self-confidence when it comes to my own artistic work or ability and I feel slightly guilty that I should be chosen for such a profession when I never really sought it out or gave it as much effort as those whose entire lives have revolved around trying to achieve it. In this I sound overly confident in my success, but what God promises he delivers. And he's promised to catch me in this leap. I'm not saying Mercator is the next Harry, but he won't fail. Of this I am assured and it is enough.

Brontë Sisters Power Dolls

Lol. I would have actually read them if this had been real. :)

Walk on water

Dracula's Lament

Be Creative

For those of us tired of the typical insult, the perfect solution!

Dragons are Pure Awesome

When I was at Disneyland a couple of days ago I impulsively bought Pete's Dragon.
I am trying to learn which ones to follow because its the Holy Spirit and not my own. It's hard to tell the difference if you're not really in step with God.

Pete's Dragons just so happens to be one of my all time favorite movies that I had practically forgotten about. There is nothing in it that I don't love. As with all my favorite movies I must have watched it a thousand times driving my mom crazy.

Elliot is my favorite dragon. Why? Because he's pure through and through. He exists to seek and to save.

Sound familiar?

I was absolutely floored to realize that Elliot could easily be one of the best examples of the Holy Spirit in movies that I know of.

At first no one can see him but Pete, but they can see where he's been by the what he leaves behind. But even though his footprints are all over the town they don't believe he exists, then that disbelief turns to fear. They blame the Dragon for the shifting of the fishing shoals and Nora (the Lighthouse keeper) doesn't believe Pete when he says that Elliot has found her supposedly dead fiance. The town's fear turns to violence against Pete and Elliot.

Why?

They don't have the eyes to see and they misunderstand who Elliot is no matter what Pete says. From the beginning it is evident that Pete and Elliot are inseparable best friends. Elliot protects, guides, and provides for Pete very much like the Holy Spirit will guide, protect, and embolden us who allow God to become our best friend and every pleasure.

By the end all have seen and believe.

I just love everything about this movie, its just a joyful, funny, music filled romp.

I love how God lets us see with new eyes what once we loved as children and still delight in it.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

James 3:17-18

That dern Volcano

[Source: Online Schools for Gadling.com]

Transformer

Spring Cleaning

I just finished reorganizing and cleaning my entire room closet and all. The only thing that didn't move was my desk. Everything else is flipped. I also got a some privacy cling things for my window so that I can just leave my blinds up making my room lighter. One of the window things has a stained glass pattern that is actually textured making it look fairly real if you ignore the fact that it doesn't cover all of my window. Given how much time I spend in my room the whole thing was very needed. My room actually looks bigger now.

NICE.

What just hit me though is the process of rearranging. Before I started my room was a mess, first thing I had to do was make it more messy to organize before I could move anything. So my room went from being messy to natural disaster for the last couple of days, but the entire time I was working steadily toward this new arrangement. I was struck by the thought that perhaps God has to do the same thing when he wants to take us from one stage of life to another. At first everything just keeps getting messier as things are moved around, but then as you start putting things in their new places the mess subsides finally you have a new room that shows no indication of the disaster it was just before or the room it had been. Maybe this is how God makes big changes in us, it has to get a little messy before it comes together on the other side.

I'm certainly hoping that this is the case for me, I'm just praying that I'm in the stage where things are starting to get cleaned up rather than more messy...

I guess that's my attempt to have a deep thought tonight.

Broad Observation

All the things that the Bible tell me are good or bad for me all make sense at their root, even if they don't at the surface. Things that society/government/school/establishment tell are good or bad often don't hold up under intense investigation of roots and consequences unless they correlate directly with Biblical teaching.

Why is it that we are more inclined to give society/government/school/establishment more credence than the Bible? One has been around much longer than the other. One has weathered every attack upon it from without and within and always come out stronger in the end.

But people don't see this.

Why?

Is it because it is so hard to see, or is it that they have never actually looked beyond what culture tells them?

It seems the vast majority of the world spends their lives blind, even those who pride themselves on their intellect have blind spots if even they can see at all. Christians and heathen thinkers alike have these blind spots. The advantage of the Christian thinker is they have God to see for them when they cannot see themselves. It is then that they realize that any sight they ever had was God's.

That and as impressive as we are as a species the amount of a certain type of intellect and mind are required to even want to pull back the veil we all see the world through, because what we see on the other side is so massively complex that even the best and brightest minds can only begin to comprehend it.

There is always another black box. Something that doesn't fit. As far as we have come in science and philosophy those who practice them at their highest levels balk at how little we still know.

The mere claim that "science disproves God" is ridiculous. Science has proven nothing of the sort! There is no science in which knowledge is absolute. I know of no science that is dead, only evolved. Astrology laid the foundations of astronomy. Just because we figured out the sun wasn't pulled across the sky by a chariot does not disprove a creator of the universe. (It does not stop there but I am unless asked.)

The only way that science could ever disprove God is... well science in it's current practice could never do such a thing. Science only covers the physical world which we can measure by physical means. Even if we could see to the very point of creation would anyone really expect to see some huge dude, or any thing at all? The question remains, "Where did it ALL come from?"

We exist.

How?

But more importantly WHY?

Hmmm Tasty

I have never wanted to learn to cook more in my entire life!

But the Lord is with me as a dread warrior;
therefore my persecutors will stumble;
they will not overcome me.
They will be greatly shamed,
for they will not succeed.
Their eternal dishonor
will never be forgotten.
—Jeremiah 20:11

I hate the Internet

I hate the internet, but I spend a huge amount of time here. Why? Because it is useful. But unfortunately I must hang out in the parts of the internet which are least suited to me. It just seems like the most relevant social spaces on the interwebs are loudly dominated by those whose basic views of reality are almost opposite of my own. I must just have an abrasive writing style or something.

Hated on the web, loved in life. Rather it be that way than the other way around.

I must Apologize

I don't write here much at the moment. Reasons being that I just don't have anything pressing to say. Or at least I haven't in a while.

Mercator is still sorta on hold, but that'll change soon. I have some major world building to do even for the second book.

Still no work. But I really should try harder, i.e. really try at all. I'm not sure checking craigslist 3x a day counts as trying. I've got two new resources that I haven't utilized yet.

I'm feeling drawn back to school for two reasons. One being Mercator/RTE requires a background in church history and theology that I don't have yet. The other being that I feel pulled toward apologetics which is what Mercator really is. We need some major apologists in the Film world, I know of none of the caliber that are needed to really make an impact on my jaded generation. Here am I, send me. I'm rather sure that this is the reason I'm in CA. I feel I need to stay in LA, though it may just be because my world is here now, most of my friends and the SCA community that I've become a part of. I'm tiered of moving, it's been nice to live in one place for more than a year and I'd like to stay. I still can't say I love the city, but I love the people. In reality it'll be a year before any move or schooling would start so I don't need to stress right now. Just be ready and explore my options. In the mean time I'll keep pursuing Script Supervising. I really hope I'll start making some money soon, the end of my funds is approaching too near for comfort.

That's all, just a check in.

I'll keep in touch. :P

Still Alive

Song from the end of Portal with cool animation.

Avatar 2 Trailer (Exclusive)

I'm in a Disney state of mind...

I was just thinking...

So, Pirates + Awesome = Vikings.

Vikings + Pirates of the Caribbean = O.o Awesome

Just think about it...

Tim Burton's Secret Formula

So True!!!

Mmmmm Cake

And THIS is how you make it. I must Has.

This is sooo cool!

I love this movie!!!! I gotta go to D-land this week. :P

This Too Shall Pass

pure Awesome

Be Salt

Just a reminder to add a little flavor to the world.

Something I'm really good at

Silence...

Not really. If you know me you know that I can be quite long winded, but when it comes to my blog I'm pretty good at silence.

Life, is life, is life. Isn't it? Still on the hunt for a job. Sorta, technically. I'm doing it, but I don't want to. Does that count? I have a really really hard time picking up the phone and making the first move on finding a job, which is something I've always had a problem with and it's not getting better. Once I'm on the phone I'm fine, but picking it up doesn't happen nearly often enough to get me hired. I have worked 2 jobs this month, both 2 days and no pay, but it ended my looong streak of nothing. Which is good. I'm reluctant, I'm not all that fond of what I do, its wearing and I've never been one who likes to take notes, but I am very good at it and it is a doorway. I'm hoping that I'll like it much much more once I'm on a longer, professional shoot, one where I can really get to know my co-workers and I enjoy my time on set because I am among people I enjoy being around. Plus being paid would really help my motivation to get up in the morning and clock a 12-14 hr day.

Other than that I really am up to nothing much. It's lent, it's only the second year in my life (last year was first) that I've observed it, but it's here to stay. This year I've even joined a small group, I just hope I go. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions anymore, because I have no real reason to follow them, but I DO like the lent thing, it has weight behind it. If I fail to live up to my promise then I answer to God, who is much more impressive than my puny conscience. This year I've given up Soda, video games, and intoxicants. I say intoxicants because if I say booze, I might try something else that will technically not count, and I don't want to mess with that. I am in California after all. I'm also trying to use this time to clean up my eating habits, be more faithful to my workout routine, and get my lazy ass a job. Ambitious as always. Thank God for Sundays, quite literally.

Oh, and last week some *****er***er broke into my car and stole the bag that had all my Script Supervising gear in it, my ipod, and my oakley sunglasses that Mama gave me in High School. $1000 not covered by insurance (because we all know those greedy **cks don't care). I know it's not the right thing to say, but I hope the bastard who broke my window gets castrated, we don't need any more like him on the street. God can forgive him all he wants, and I do too, as long as I get to break his nose.

That's my life in a nutshell.

Silence broken.

Epic Super Mario Land Rap

Yeah, I know you're not interested, but it rocks my socks off.

When The Saints Go Marching In

They won by the way. :P

Ha!

Apparently my blog has become "Jenny's youtube veiwing history." Lol.

No more! Things are going to change around this joint starting yesterday! And... they did. Yesterday I worked for the first time in 7 months. Happy Day! :) had to get up at 4:30am and drive an hour though. Plus I've been sick since last Sunday.

But at least the drought is easing.

Now if you don't mind, I need to lie down for a bit.

Embrace Life

It's beautiful. Imagine making more of an impact with a minute and a half than with a 3 hour long CGI orgy...

!!!! !!!!

I MUST see this movie!!!

Resolution

I haven't really made any resolutions for this year. Luckily there's a site to help me. :)

How To Report The News

Happens every time.

Never thought about the downside to the whole thing...

I Wanna Do This!!!

Classy...

How about a leisurely drive through Paris?

C´etait un rendezvous - Claude Lelouch 1976

Adventures in La La Land in the Year 2010

I guess I have to say that I'm glad to be out of the cold and back in the California sun. It was nice to be home for such a long time, but I must admit that December wasn't the greatest month I've ever had. It was the closing of an era.

I finished Mercator on 01-01-10, which seems appropriate and a good way to start a new year and a new decade.

Being back seems like another new start, let's hope that I don't botch this one too. But third time's a charm. I guess it's the third time.

Here's hoping that 2010 is a year of growth, health, and wholeness mentally, physically, and spiritually.