Onward

I'm ready to move on.

I've been trying to move on for years. I made the first step when I abandoned my old dreams for new ones, turned my back on science and embraced the stage.

Part of what I'm really talking about is my tendency to cling to the past. There was a time when I never thought about what was and continually looked forward to what will be. That ended when I went to the Naval Academy. For a long while after that I wished I could return to High School my Junior year and have a do over. Then when I left William Jewell for Wheaton, for a semester or so I longed for William Jewell, my friends, and the theatre. For a long while at Wheaton I was content in the now. I never wanted it to end, but as all things do, it did. And ever since I have had this hole in my life where Wheaton used to be. But as time has worn on Wheaton seems like this distant beautiful mirage and I am still left here with this hole. Or perhaps the hole wasn't left by Wheaton, but was there long before that.

The other part has to do with missing parts of the old me. The me that would get up at 5:50 in the morning to go to school early by myself to run and jump rope. The me that would read boring books about anything that I thought smart people should know and not give up after a chapter or two. I wish I could find her. She dissapeared at the academy.

Ah, well, never mind. It will come, or it will not. Perhaps this next transition will prove to be the one I've been waiting for.